You’ve probably heard it your entire life: “Man up,” people say. Or “Act like a man.” Statements like these reflect a “Guy Code” that society often imposes on men, reflecting unspoken rules you are supposed to follow. But how much do these “rules” reflect healthy masculinity—as opposed to the “toxic” kind? And how can Freemasons reflect more deeply on this issue?
How Men Learn About Masculinity
Almost always, young males learn what a “real man” is from their family, other children, or schoolmates. Starting from early childhood, boys are often called out for behavior that doesn’t match society’s definition of manhood. They might be called “sissy” or “wimp” … or told they “throw like a girl.” And sometimes it gets even worse: They might be forced to deal with bullying or even assault. This forces boys, as they age, to face a choice: Go along with male stereotypes, or face the heat of “going against the grain.”
Stereotypes vs. What Men Actually Think
Research shows most men don’t personally agree with society’s “real man” stereotypes—especially if they tend to lead to “toxic male” behaviors that Freemasons and many other men recoil from. Some might go along with expected attitudes and behaviors because they are afraid of condemnation. But most Freemasons and other men are more attracted to—and want to embrace—a more healthy masculinity that supports a fuller range of human emotions and behaviors.
Key Ways to Live a “Healthy Masculinity”
Historically, society has put certain positive qualities in “the Masculine Box.” These include leadership, strength, and courage. But by putting those qualities in that box, society has not only implied that those qualities are not feminine, but also that qualities that are stereotypically feminine—such as nurturing, compassion, and caring—are not masculine. By having the strength and courage to rid ourselves of rigid rules about human qualities, Freemasons can achieve a healthy masculinity that affirms a broad range of positive human qualities.
What Healthy Masculinity “Looks Like”
When Freemasons embrace healthy masculinity for themselves and others, they can more positively affirm their true selves. They are not rejecting masculinity, but rather are moving into a better, healthier version of it. One in which they:
- Address disrespect by having the courage to call it out;
- Allow themselves and other men to express a wide range of human emotions;
- Embrace mentoring, nurturing, compassion, and caring behavior toward themselves and others;
- Create openings for Freemason brothers and other men to share their experiences and feelings, especially if you sense there’s a problem;
- Check in with those you know or suspect are hurting;
- Have the courage to ask for help if you are struggling.
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